If You Think Mindfulness Ain't Sexy...

By Lorenzo Roberto Ramos, Fall 2011

Think again. The practice of mindful awareness is a gateway into the world of sensation, the tangible reality of our experience as human beings. This falls nowhere short of the realm of sexuality, and in fact, such expressions of physical intimacy can be used as an access-point to the essence of mindful practice in itself. Mindfulness-based Relationship Enhancement (Carson et al, 2004) is a treatment modality that makes use of the intimate contact with one's situation that the practice can imbue, and directs it towards empathic understanding of one's partner. But to keep things in perspective...let us focus not on relationship enhancement, but the practice of mindful sexuality itself.

Physical intimacy can have paradoxical effects on the awareness. Though it is common knowledge that sensation is heightened during states of sexual arousal, there arises at the same time a state that has been referred to as sexual trance in mystical texts. The eyes close, the head leans back in rapture (a potential pinching of the central energetic channel in such spiritual worldviews) and ultimately, awareness may tend to be focused on one certain area of the body--come on now, we're adults here.

What could mindfulness do? Well, for one, the mere fact that you remember the practice in such moments of heat is somewhat triumphant. Sexual enhancement protocols of all shapes and sizes preach the same thing, namely, that becoming aware of sensation throughout the body during the sexual act may lead to some interesting insights, not to mention a better control of the sexual energies, gentlemen. An introspective return to the body is often a strategy employed in healing of sexual traumas, and could likewise shed light onto one's situation, discovering where tensions tend to build up and where awareness goes when left unattended. Bringing awareness to the heart-space, for example, might be an interesting experiment to conduct next time you are sexually active. What is behind your physical movement? Is it romantic love with a partner, or a sensual tryst? Should these experiences be different? How do you relate to others? Transpersonal psychology would say you are at an advanced stage of interpersonal awareness when you can see yourself in (or make love with?!) just about anybody...but you didn't hear it from me.

However one looks at it, a return to the five senses during the sexual act could foster numerous beneficial effects on both the healthy and the potentially afflicted, and this universality is itself a positive appraisal of mindful love-making. There is much at play during the sexual act, both within oneself and on the other side of your skin. Don't forget your partner! Cultivating an awareness of what your touch feels like to another, find the delicate balance between reveling in your own sensation and in empathically identifying with those of your partner. Particularly if both parties involved are engrossed in this dynamic, the bounds of 'I' and 'Other' quickly give way into an experience of oneness that has been referred to by adepts as both 'ecstasy' and 'love-making.' If you are comfortable enough to take a plunge into the realm of spiritual sexuality, try to lock eyes with your lover for extended periods of time, or to breathe synchronously. Both of these deceptively simple strategies are gateways into playful contact with an energetic connectedness that just might push you a few notches closer to self-actualization--or however else you might want to address your ultimate standard of psychological well-being. I call it Advaitabhavana, but that's dissertation-talk... Where does love end, and bliss begin? Somewhere in the midst of the sexual sphere. Take it and run! It's a topic that deserves copious exploration.

Resources: Carson, J. W., Carson, K. M., Gil, K. M., & Baucom, D. H. (2004). Mindfulness-based relationship enhancement. Behavior Therapy, 35(3), 471-494.