Did I Vote for My Neighbor to Marry his Wife?

By Boyka Dimitrova, Winter 2008

Margalo is a PsyD student who agreed to participate in an interview regarding her experience with Proposition 8.

“It is very conflicting. I came to school after the elections and the students were excited for Obama and I felt frustrated. People were congratulating each other about the new president and my rights were taken away.

It was amazing to find out in May that the Supreme Court granted same sex couples the right to marry. My partner and I wanted to take advantage of it. For so many people marriage is a given. LGBT individuals live in uncertainty. It feels so frustrating; we are seen as second class citizens. It is so awful that someone can make a decision that we are not equal. Someone decided that the way we love is deviant and we don’t deserve rights.

My family and I were extremely affected by Prop 8. My mom and her partner of 19 years finally got married in CA this October. We had a double wedding because I married my partner. It was so important for me as a daughter to see their relationship validated. We are from a small town and we as a family were not out for many years. Finally, we were out and it was so wonderful. Finally, we were taken seriously and validated.

Prop 8 is a really big slap in the face. When someone takes away something that you are fighting for so long you feel so depressed. My mom and her partner were fighting for 20 years for women’s rights and lesbians’ rights and now they feel it is a lost cause. They don’t believe it is possible anymore. They always have been my role models and hearing from them how discouraged they are is very hard. I can’t feel hopeful.

I went to a rally in San Francisco. It was very hopeful because many people were there. A lot of politicians were there and they believe that we have to keep fighting no matter how hopeless we feel. We played music and tried to transform the anger into action. My mom and her partner went to the protest in Madison, Wisconsin. They carried their marriage certificate as a poster. People congratulated them.”

Margalo’s partner shared, “In Canada, for five years already we have the right to marry. I don’t understand why here it is such a big deal. Why everybody should vote? My neighbor should decide if I can marry Margalo? Did I vote for him to marry his wife?”