The (Stigmatized) Wounded Healer

By Anonymous, Summer 2010

As a psychology student with schizoaffective disorder, I’ve suffered from delusions and hallucinations since the age of 12 and from depression since I was 14. I feel as though I must continually decide when and where it is appropriate to share this piece of information with others and it is by no mistake that my name is not stated with this article. While I am fairly open with fellow students and professors, the potential for clients or future employers to gain access to this information leaves me uncomfortable with full disclosure. As a supervisor told me, “It may be useful to bring it up in supervision if relevant to the treatment of your clients, but I wouldn't suggest bringing it up in a job interview.”

I was drawn to write this article because of my observation of the tendency of some clients to perceive therapists as having access to some magic answer-key that can be used to unlock problems. This misconception can contribute to a client’s projection onto the therapist of an emotional, mental, and relational invincibility. After all, if one visits a therapist for guidance and the alleviation of psychic problems, then the therapist must be an expert in solving and eliminating their own problems. As most mental health workers and students, however, we are prone to the same vulnerability to life's problems as anyone else, whether it’s divorce, substance abuse, depressive ideation, or mental illness.

And it seems to me as though the over-idealizing of mental health workers has created an increased degree of stigmatization for psychologists who have their own mental health diagnoses.

The stigma against mentally ill therapists doesn't stop with clients, however. The bias can also manifest in the peers, supervisors, professors, and employers of therapists struggling with their own disorders. The fear of sharing mental disorders extends beyond the therapist-relationship.

I've heard the fear of psychology students in letting fellow students know that they have a mental illness. I've heard shame from students when professors directly confronted students about the nature of a possible disorder. And I've heard the self-doubt that students carry about their ability to help others with mental illnesses when they haven't quite gotten control of their own.

One might be tempted to think that there should be less of a stigma from fellow students, professors, and supervisors in this field. After all, these people are in the mental health field themselves. Shouldn't individuals with a greater understanding about mental health be less judgmental of those students and therapists with a mental illness? Oftentimes, it seems to have the opposite effect, resulting in more judgment of these individuals, and increased doubts concerning these therapists’ abilities.

My personal experiences with schizo-affective disorder have led me to have conflicting feelings about this topic. On one hand, I feel just as entitled as the next person to work as a therapist. At times I even feel my history with mental illness will help me better understand the experience of my clients, thereby helping them all the more.

Other times I feel like my own experiences with schizoaffective disorder leave me vulnerable and more easily triggered by some topics that arise in sessions. I try be cognizant of this potential and am extremely careful that I'm neither too emotionally triggered to be of service nor using the therapeutic relationship to work out my own issues. But shouldn’t these guidelines hold true for all therapists?

I'd like to encourage everyone to challenge the assumptions sometimes made about mentally ill therapists. Rather than stigmatize this minority group, consider a supportive stance and the shared goals and struggles of all therapists.

For those of you who, like me, are mentally ill therapists, take solace in knowing you are not alone. While a stigma exists, it shouldn’t prevent you from getting the help and support you need to live a healthy life, and help your clients do the same.

I see a huge difference between being cautious with whom you share your personal problems and failing to acknowledge that you may need help. And, most importantly, it’s better to work out our issues with our own therapists than with our clients, and better to get personal help when it’s needed rather than to deny it’s needed at all.